So, there was this sinister force in the universe known as Jeffie. Jeffie was a clone of the Last Exit's host, who we all know as the Demon Azkath. (Well, more specifically, Jeffie was a clone of Jeff the Radio Guy, who in turn is a clone of Azkath, but hey, no sense in getting overly technical here...) On the last edition of The Metallic Onslaught, which was our Halloween show, Jeffie showed up as Pepe. Now, as the night wore on, Pepe decided I should wear his outfit, throwing his itchy poncho on me, and his sombrero, and also shoved his maracas in my hands. Hey, I did my best to play along, just go with it, try to have fun, yada, yada, yada... But then he had to go and chloroform me... This particular indignity was bad enough, but what came next was too much for this Wulf to take. The Onslaught's host, Joe Wyatt, suggested that Jeffie revive me by doing CPR, not knowing that I was slowly reviving on my own. But, Jeffie went with it anyway, and decided to give me mouth-to-mouth, clearly not knowing that tongue should NEVER be involved with the process. Suffice to say, Jeffie could probably have told you what the contents of my stomach were that night...
So, it was a a hard decision, but in the end I figured that it couldn't possibly be any worse going to Ithaca and joining up with Azkath's crew. As I understood it, Jeffie was never allowed on their show, so I would be free of him, once and for all! Now, I should mention that Rick from the Onslaught was also on hand this night, I think in the hopes of getting me to reconsider my move. But, my mind was made up!
And really, I'd thought I'd picked a good night to make my official debut! This was one of their Tribute To The Past Russian Roulette shows, which features nothing but older music The Russian Roulette portion comes from Azkath playing random selections of music. A "bullet" in this variation is actually in the form of a certain category of song, whether it's something that's been overplayed on mainstream radio, or something really cheesy, or a cover version. Those are a few examples anyway. When a bullet plays, someone gets to pick a little slip of paper out of a bag, and what's written on the paper dictates what comes next. The person who drew the slip chooses somebody ("victim"is a good choice of words, here...) to be the subject of whatever's written on the slip. Example: Shane became the subject of record breaking. Literally, having vinyl record albums broken over his head! Other bullets resulted in a few of the guys being piled into the rest room, which was full (and I do mean FULL!) of balloons, not to mention EVD taking a shot to the head with a DVD player (courtesy of me!). If you're a regular listener, I'm sure you know of what I am speaking! Actually, it was a great deal of fun until a bullet with Jeffie's name on it was drawn... Now, this meant that somebody had to actually call Jeffie to come onto the Last Exit, where he is normally forbidden. I mean, really, of all nights! What the HELL? Azkath suspected this particular bullet has been snuck into the bag by Just Joe. But rules are rules, so, against the wishes of nearly everybody there (except Just Joe), Jeffie arrived. It was a short visit, I must say... I think I may have let out a war cry of sorts, as I picked up my liter size bottle of Mountain Dew, and a sharp fragment of record album that just happened to be within reach. What happened next is probably far too gory for words, as I proceeded to bludgeon and slice Jeffie into a virtually unrecognizable lump of red goo in the hallway. Sloth, no stranger to The Last Exit, summed up part of the carnage, describing my ripping Jeffie in half after grabbing hold of each of his butt cheeks. Now, I really must have been in a blind rage, 'cuz I really don't quite remember that part... Anyhoo, what was left of Jeffie was probably far more shocking than the time I killed and ate all his llamas. Just Joe was highly displeased (okay, more like ENRAGED) at returning to find his friends' remains strewn about the hallway, and I think Azkath was a little put-out with me as well. He even went so far as to say that he wasn't making any more Jeffie's to send to the Onslaught. Now, Rick and I both agreed that the Onslaught would be perfectly fine with that, but Azkath seems to think that without Jeffie, we're only going to end up turning on each other. Actually, this was kind of a non-issue at first, since I'd still planned on staying true to my defection. At least, up until I became the subject of a bullet... Just Joe had drawn this particular slip, which simply said "Porno Joe". He didn't seem familiar with this particular action, but made me the target anyway. Azkath assured Joe that he'd remember soon enough, and began playing some really bad Seventies porn music. Next thing I knew, Joe was stripping his shirt off and giving me a lamp dance, bouncing his hairy monkey-like physique on my knees, rubbing my head. I think unrestrained panic would be a good way to describe my reaction. It took my beating him with a computer keyboard to get him off of me, and I quickly made a run for the door, screaming for Rick to get me out of there! Of course, once it was all over, Just Joe didn't remember a thing and I was emotionally scarred, quite possibly for life. They'd gotten me calmed down sufficiently, but I'd already changed my mind about my decision. I was gettin' out of there and returning to the Onslaught!
Hey, if nothing else, we don't have to worry about that annoying Jeffie anymore!
Listen to the Show
Juggernaut "Without Warning"
Hallow's Eve "Lethal Tendencies"
Iron Maiden "Hallowed be Thy Name" (R)
Slayer "Chemical Warfare" (R)
Ram-Zet "I'm Not Dead"
Saint Chaos "Nothing is Forever"
King Kobra "Attention"
SOD "Momo - Live"
Impaler "It Won't Die"
Edge of Sanity "Jesus Cries"
Korpiklaani "Let's Drink"
Blackshine "My Own God"
Annihilator "Schizos (Are Never Alone) Part III"
Emmure "Bars in Atoria"
Raven "Hard Ride"
Gloomy Grim "Elder Ones"
GWAR "Saddamn-a-Go-Go" (R)
Entombed "Insanity's Contagious"
Anthrax "Room for One More"
Fear of God "Drift"
Dissection "Starless Aeon'
Cradle of Filth "Desire in Violent Overture" (R)
Mortal Sin "Deadman Walking'
Reptilian "Sabre-Dance"
Nocturnus "Standing in Blood"
October Tide "All Painted Cold"
The Plankboys "Skeleton Crew"
Pretty Suicide "I Want It All"
Therapy? "Knives"
Defleshed "Curse the Gods"
Arcane Opera "Dust of Stars"
Absolution Project "Mad World"
Overkill "Tyrant"
Savatage "Alone You Breathe (Acoustic)"
Corrosion of Conformity "White Noise"
Taake "Lukt til Helvete"
Hot Buttered Anal "You're Dead"
Manticora "Lovereternalloveternal"
Tourniquet "Broken Chromosomes"
Voi-Vod "Wrong Way Street"
Emperor "The Loss and Curse of Reverence"
King Diamond "Abigail" (R)
Nuclear Assault "Stranded in Hell"
The Project Hate "Christianity Delete"
Skyclad "Single Phial"
Juliet "Eight Lives Gone"
Motley Crue "Piece of Your Action"
Mortiis "The worst in Me"
Nuclear Assault "Lesbians - Live"
Mezzrow "Frozen Soul"
(god-rot) "And You Are Dead"
Nocturne "I Lie"
Naamah "She is My Sin'
Cop Shoot Cop "Room 429"
Novembre "Conservatory Resonance"
Codeseven "It could Happen"
Elusive Travel "Seperation... The Quickest Way to the End"
Schoolyard Heroes "Sometimes They Come Back"
Killing Joke "The Wait"
Kix "Midnight Dynamite"
Kyuss "Odyssey"
Monster Magnet "Negasonic Teenage Warhead"
Skinny Puppy "Inquisition"
Current 93 "The Decent of Long Satan and Babylon"
Melvins "Skin Horse"
Cemetary "Sweet Tragedy"
The Witching "Let Us Drown"
Dead Kennedy's California Uber Alles"
Plasmatics "Lies"
Accept "Son of a Bitch"
Cinderella "Nobody's Fool"
Juggernaut "Hang 'Em High / Honey Bun"
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Recap by Fire Eater Wizard; This was the night the clocks are set back, at 2:00 A.M. it dropped back to 1:00 A.M, so this was the one night a year that LE is seven hours instead of six, and it is always a Tribute To The Past Show, nothing but old music. And, recently, it has also become a mostly Russian Roulette Show, with the computer picking from over eleven hundred songs at random, and, when a bullet played, i.e., a cheesy, glam, '80's song, any overplayed song, or any cover... Well, here's where it gets a little bit different than usual... When that happened a person would be chosen to draw a "Bullet", a piece of paper with something written on it that would happen to someone, and the person drawing the "bullet" must decide, before knowing what was written there, if they wanted it to happen to themselves, or someone else, and, if someone else, then whom. Got all that? Good. Because I'm not going through it again, and there will be a quiz later. Bullets could also be good or bad things, or that could all be relative, something might not be good for whom it was happening to, but be very good for those of us witnessing it. Akiri from Psyche Corporation played some music for us. And, as she played a Kiss song, she played the first bullet. She chose it to be for Dave, and the bullet read gives a lap dance, so Kiera got a lap dance from Dave, which she didn't want at all, and punched him in the face. Other bullets... Dave and Sloth rubbed their bellies in Shane's face. Sloth got thrown in a bathroom full of balloons with Just Joe, Dave, and Shane and they all fought in there. Later there was fighting involving cardboard box corners. Shane got records broken over his head by Just Joe, Rick from The Metallic Onslaught, and Wulfie, from The Metallic Onslaught. Sloth drew and said his bullet said "everybody hugs Sloth" they did, but then read the bullet and found, big surprise, that it did not say that at all, it said "type Face", which meant that Sloth got a wireless keyboard smashed across his face. EVD got a DVD player smashed on him. Azkath drew a bullet saying that Jeffie had to be allowed to come to LE, which he is forbidden to do. Azkath said no, but there was no arguing with the bullets... Jeffie's original theme music, something we hadn't heard in a long time, played, and Jeffie arrived. But he wasn't there long, he never even got a word out. Wulfie viciously attacked him, bludgeoning him brutally with a Mountain Dew bottle, and then taking a shard of broken record and eviscerating him, opening him up and disemboweling him. This was because Jeffie had revived an unconscious Wulfie on The Metallic Onslaught the week before by giving him mouth to mouth, only Jeffie's version of mouth to mouth is French kissing, which worked, it revived Wulfie, but it infuriated him. So now there was a huge, disgusting Jeffie mess in the hallway, which Wulfie was told he'd have to clean up. Azkath informed Wulfie and Rick that he was not making them another Jeffie this time, unless they asked him to, very nicely, which they were completely fine with. Azkath told them they would ask him, that, with no Jeffie, they would all turn on each other, and, they would want another Jeffie. They didn't believe this, but Azkath was pretty sure. Just Joe, who is the only person in the world who actually really likes Jeffie, considers him his buddy, cried when he saw the mess of very dead Jeffie, and attacked Wulfie, beating on him and saying he wouldn't stop until another Jeffie was made. That didn't happen, not this night, anyways. So, Jeffie's Death Song "The Hamster Dance" played, something else we hadn't heard in quite a while. Wulfie drew a bullet. It read, "Porno Joe". Yet another thing we hadn't witnessed for quite some time. Just Joe's "Porno Theme Music" played, and he began to dance for Wulfie, and to strip for him, and to give him a lap dance, and, actually quite a bit more than a lap dance. Wulfie was traumatized. Just Joe never remembers being Porno Joe when it's over, so he had no clue why Wulfie was infuriated with him. Wulfie said he had left The Metallic Onslaught to get away from stuff like this, and, now, after having quit MO the night before to join LE, he was now quitting LE to go back to MO, especially since there would be no Jeffie there now, as he had killed him. So there was one of the quickest turn arounds, quitting, joining something, and then quitting that to go back to the first in less than twenty four hours. Wulfie was so traumatized that he had to go home, so he and Rick left. Now, if a bullet played, there was a ton of blown up balloons at the bottom of the basement stairs, and Just Joe would have to throw himself down the stairs into the balloons. If no bullet, Just Joe would get to throw Azkath down the stairs into the balloons. Bullet, a cover. So Just Joe threw himself down the stairs, and we heard a lot of nice loud pops as he bounced on the balloons on the way down. When he came back up, he informed us that balloons do not make a good cushion for your fall, because they bounce away as you land on them, so you still wind up hitting the concrete, only now you bounce on it. For the last couple of hours, the RR, Russian Roulette part of the night ceased, but the TTTP, Tribute To The Past part continued, still all music from the past. So, on this night, we got to hear a lot of old, rare, and obscure Music, that you don't get to hear often, and was good to hear. There was several segments of Movie Time throughout the night, with Rick and Wulfie participating in some of them. And, to list all the guests on this night, EVD, Dave (seeming to suggest that maybe they are not the same person after all), Shane, Rick from The Metallic Onslaught, Wulfie from The Metallic Onslaught, Akiri, and Ria. And so thus went the special, seven hour, Tribute To The Past/Russian Roulette Show, a night with much violence, lots of disturbing, disgusting, traumatizing behavior, lots of silliness and hilarity, and lots of good, old, music...
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